Is That It?

There comes a time in your life, I think, when you begin to wonder what it's all for. Some call this a "crisis", others say it hasn't happened to them and they don't think too deeply about such things and in many respects, I wish I was like that. One of my main problems/quirks/whatever is that I think very deeply. I don't like the traditional view of the world where a man or woman must work to provide for others, must forsake themselves and often their dreams simply to survive in a society that is not designed to cater to individuals but to the "greater good" of all.

I recently read that the singer Adele was angry that she had to pay 50% of her earnings in income tax now that she was being paid over the threshold required (£150,000). There are two schools of thought over this, the first being that she's a greedy gobshite who, despite earning something like £8million and having to forefeit 50% of that in tax feels that she deserves not to have to pay such a high rate of tax because "Its not fair". There are others who sympathize with her and say that she deserves not to be taxed such a large amount because "She's earned it". Far be it from me to criticize someone on their choice of career but many people not in that line of work would suggest that being a singer can be considered to be relatively easy "job", albeit in my view that is highly dependant on how hard you strive for recognition of your work. Surely the harder you strive, the better the results? (Unless the music you produce really is quite poor or aimed at a niche industry) In any event, Adele is still rich beyond most people's imaginations.

Perhaps she can now afford some elocution lessons? Yes, I'm a snob like that. Deal with it.

The point I'm trying to make here is that you feel like you put your heart and soul into what you do but you get very little out of it by way of a reward. The very idea of money as a reward is somewhat perplexing because I think money is an awful thing that drives people to ruin themselves or others in pursuit of it, but no matter how much we loathe our dependence on it, depend on it we must and therefore it makes personal sense to go out and obtain as much of it as you can in order to try and live the kind of life you want to lead. The fact that some people have more than others is because either they've worked hard and pursued such levels of monetary gain or they have been in the fortunate position of being born into it or gifted with it. It is easy for those of us who don't have it to resent those who do. Too easy.

Perhaps I live in something of a dream world where I would love to be able to simply walk away from all this and set up home somewhere quiet and not be bothered by things great and small so that I can explore the things I would like to do. In my mind I view that as acheivable, yet in reality I see it as something I would have to work very, very hard to pull off and that can be a galling prospect. We have a finite amount of time on this planet and I often wonder whether it would really be worth pushing myself like that for however long I need to to acheive that end. Do I really want to work so hard for something I may only be able to enjoy for a short period of time? Can I really predict that it would ever happen the way I want it to? The future is no less uncertain no matter how much you look at it and try and guess the likely outcome of things.

So in retrospect, I think there is some sense in saying we should "live for the moment", "enjoy the now" or whatever other cliches you can think of because the fact is you never know what could happen. You never know who will be with you on your journey or whether their journey will end before or after your own one does. I don't like that situation and it doesn't sit right with me. It seems incredibly unfair. But then life is. Many things have taught me that. I can be quite a pragmatic individual, not prone to displays of emotion or even particularly affection, perhaps because I struggle to accept such things outside of family and close friends. It takes me a long while to accept people and consider them friends, but when I do, then they're someone I care about.

So what is it all about? I guess we may never know. Even when you think you do, ultimately something happens that makes you question it. And I guess we wouldn't be human unless we questioned everything now would we? If it rains, it rains.