The Musing Mailbag Issue 1

I'm delving into the post-bag this week to see if I can help people out there in the blogosphere. I plan to address the problems of anyone who chooses to submit their particular issue to me. I will obviously keep things confidential and remove names and places and make some more edits if necessary to hide someone's identity if they feel the need, but I fully intend to post the problems and my solutions here on Musings Of The Mind. So without further ado, I give you my first few problems for which I have offered advice:

From: Mr P. Enlargement
To: Jay

Q: Dear Jay, I seem to be absolutely obssessed with the size of male appendages. I really don't know what to do but I find myself emailing people indescriminately about their manhood and I think it may actually be having a negative impact on both my popularity and on the male perception of a healthy penis size. What would you suggest?

A: Thank you for your question, P. In this day and age, mankind has never been more obssessed with image at any time in our history, I would suggest. It is not unusual for you to worry about penis size, most men have an inbuilt insecurity about their own either for being too small, too big or the wrong shape entirely. You are not alone in this regard so take heart from that. Whatever size or shape you are, you're probably perfectly normal and can stand at a urinal without fear of being smirked at by the man stood next to you because he'll be too concerned about making sure his own looks normal. Unless your winkle is shaped like a "U" or a "Z", in which case I don't think I can help you and would recommend you speak to a doctor. Oh, and I would stop emailing people about their own penis size, it may make you feel better about your own but you will soon find you have no friends left. Believe me, I know.

From: Chairman Adowimbe Mohambu, Chief Executive of the Nigerian Bank of England, Scotland and Iceland
To: Jay

Q: Dear Jay, I seem to have some serious problems with cash flow at the moment. No one I speak to seems willing to help and yet I'm offering an above market rate incentive to get things moving along. I don't get it, what am I doing wrong?

A: Chairman, thank you for your question. In these tough economic times, you are one of a whole batch of people who seem to be suffering from similar problems. In your case, it seems money as an incentive doesn't seem to be working. I would recommend taking a closer look at your target market here. Money does seem to make the world go round but if you are looking to attract business, it may well take more than money alone. I look to myself here as an example. I have very little money to speak of and yet I attract business offers everyday just by walking up and down the street outside my flat... Try appealing to your target market with something other than money. I find the offer of a pint or some chocolate buttons gets me very far, particularly with the ladies!

-----------------------

And that's all we have time for this week folks. Anyone who wishes to submit a problem to Agony Uncle Jay can contact me at saruth_scarophion@hotmail.com and you too could be featured right here on Musings Of The Mind next week...