Excuse me!

I present below another real-life situation that I recently experienced. Make of it what you will.

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“Excuse me... Hello there, excuse me...?”

I turn slowly, never sure if the person whose attention they’re trying to grab is mine in these situations.

“Have you got a hoover...?”

Ah. Right. A salesperson. Brilliant. And lying in wait at my front door no less.

“Yes, I have thank you and it works fantastically well...”

He tries to speak but I raise my palm and stop him.

“It’s a Vax and it is a cylinder hoover that’s extremely powerful and sucks up all the cat hairs on my carpet. It has attachments to reach the hard bits in the corners of the ceiling...”

He tries to stop me. Undeterred, I continue.

“...And it has a turbo-head that is for hard to reach bits of carpet. I’ve had it less than a year, I only paid seventy quid for it in the sale and it seems to suit my needs...”

Again he tries to butt in. How rude!

“...Because you see I only have two rooms that need hovering. A front room and a bedroom. The kitchen and shower room have lino down...”

Finally he actually butts in, almost aggressively.

“Look mate, I don’t care. I’ve just moved in next door and I’d like to bloody-well borrow it!”

Embarrassed, I take a step back. What an idiot I have just made of myself. There’s only one solution to a problem like this one.

“No.”

And with that I went inside.