Someday, somewhere... and all that guff

Well it has been about two months since my last entry which is a fairly poor showing for me. A lot has happened in a relatively short space of time I guess. A couple of dates, a wedding, a nephew's birthday, a 50th birthday party and more than a little socialising. Oh, and an exam. But we don't want to talk about THAT right now!

I went to one of my best friends weddings yesterday and I find it strange how weddings are both a cause for celebration and also a moment to reflect. Seeing two people so incredibly into one another that they would publicly vow to stay together forever is incredibly moving and also somewhat saddening for me. I guess it would be fair to say that I envy them that connection, the kind of connection I have never had with someone. I know people always go on about the "It'll happen, there's someone for everyone" route but I don't quite buy into that. There could well be someone out there and I'm sure there are people I could connect with on that level somewhere but meeting them is usually down to chance, plus there is all the pre-dating stuff to get through.

I have struggled to connect with women on a more than superficial level because I just don't "get it" sometimes. One or two of them I thought I had connected with, only to find that they didn't see it the same way and that is incredibly frustrating. I don't put it down to anything in particular. I'm not going to blame my looks, my weight, my personality or anything else. It just didn't happen for me. I think that weddings remind me of that fact so whilst I am obviously happy for whomever is getting married, I do find myself affected by a slight melancholy feeling that stubbornly refuses to go away. I guess that'll fade in time.

Last weekend I went to a 50th birthday party. I know, I know! Doesn't sound fun on paper and sounded less appealing to me because it was a hawaiian themed party but you know what? When I got there, I had perhaps the best night out in ages. Was nice to spend some time with a couple of my best friends and their little lad, my Godson. I don't see them half as often as I'd like to but then I know how the world works and I rarely make time for people myself except when pushed or cajoled into it. I think I actually won the limbo competition that night (That's not saying much) but I had fun dancing and just relaxing, something that I'm not that prone to allowing myself to do these days.

Back in January I went on a date with an American chick. This was one of those people with whom I thought I could make a connection and indeed, after the date I had no reason to suspect the opposite. We got on well, chatted, walked together with arms round one another and she sprung a kiss on me at the end and said she wanted to meet up again, something that I readily agreed to. The following week she told me she wasn't interested via text message. Ouch. That's cold. Particularly when you consider that we had discussed on the date our mutual loathing for people who ditch one another via text message, something we had both experienced before! So that doesn't go down as a confidence booster!

But we all struggle on. I'm not bitter. A touch disheartened as any human being would be but I'm a long way from giving up.

I bid you all adieu.