The Weakening of Human Nature

When I was a young lad in my late teens, relationships were the kind of things that came and went. 6 weeks seemed a long time back then and you considered yourself lucky if you could maintain interest in someone that long without sliding to a defeat against your teen angst that always seemed ready and willing to throw doubt, worry and heartbreak your way. But as I got older, I found that these things rapidly die away and become history.

The friendships and relationships I formed as I got older were stronger than simple flings (For the most part but I'm only human!) and seemed to be sturdier and more reliable. But this isn't always the case. I think it really sucks when a friend turns round to you in your late twenties and goes out of their way to avoid seeing you but won't actually come out and say "I don't want to be your friend anymore". This isn't pre-school, this isn't teen angst. These are grown-ups who should have the moral fortitude to be able to say to someone flat out that actually, you just don't fancy seeing them as mates anymore or whatever.

Hell, my mum recently told someone she'd known for probably 15 years that she no longer wanted to meet with her down the pub on a friday, something she did EVERY week near enough, because she didn't enjoy the night out anymore. She basically couldn't stand the woman any longer and had had enough. But at least she told her, that's my point.

Friendships are built on trust and are things that every one of us will come to treasure at some point in our lives, be it at the time or after the friendship is over. It can be hard not to look back sometimes and wonder where things went wrong and think how you can hope to recapture those memories.

And the same goes for relationships. A good friend of mine, who shall remain nameless has recently been left all on his todd after the girl he was seeing for only a few months said that meeting with him once a week on a planned date was "too intense" for her to manage. Intense? Once a week? Am I the only one who thinks that's strange? I mean, to each their own but surely you wouldn't go dating someone unless you actually found the prospect of a burgeoning relationship with them to be an appealing thought, right? And once a week is a comfortable, manageable number. If someone wants to see you even less than that then I'm sorry, but you should start looking elsewhere. I know I would.

And it's this that can be the crux of the problem. Relationships built on lies or uncertainty have no foundation to withstand any amount of emotional trauma. If one side or other suddenly becomes a little needy for any reason be it emotional, physical or whatever, the whole thing collapses and afterwards one party or the other is going to be more than a little upset depending on how long it took for the collapse to occur.

I beg you, any of you who read this: Be straight with people from the get-go. If you want some fun and a bit of slap-and-tickle then say so. If you want to look for something more meaningful then give it a damn chance and try to knock down the barriers you've created. Let someone in for a change. I've been guilty of this myself and it is really, REALLY hard to admit that sometimes. You never really know but if you let the right one in, you could have something pretty special. Forget what they say about first impressions because whilst they count for a lot, the proof is in the way those people follow up their previous effort. They can be down but not out. Communication is key here. It has to be two ways.

And that goes for friendships too. Don't throw them away on a whim, try and resolve your issues otherwise you could easily find yourself being the person sat in with the bottle of wine by your lonesome on a friday night wondering just what the hell happened to all your friends. If you don't feel there is one person you could ring to find out what they're up to and whether they'd like to spend time with you, then you should be looking to do something about it. Seriously.

And to my friend I mentioned, whom I know reads this blog: Dude, I'm as guilty as the next person sometimes of letting my heart go too fast. Now is the time for you to remember who your friends are and let them be your support. I know I'm not alone in saying we're all here for ya with a shit DVD to watch and a bunch of beers to sink (Except me, obviously as I've gone tee-total starting yesterday!!)

Peace.