Truth or Consequences

What follows is a true story of what happened to me just a few days ago. I'm sure I'm not the only person to have experienced something similar, I shouldn't wonder. See if it rings true.

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"Hello you! Bloody hell, how long's it been? Years and years!"

These are the words that every person dreads to hear, particularly when you look at the person saying them and haven't the foggiest idea who on earth they are. The person in question was a woman, probably in her mid thirties with curly black hair with far too much mousse in it, bad skin and a horrible dress sense. I respond:

"Sorry, have we...?"

"My God, how are you? This is unreal!"

"I don't think that I..."

And now her nodding and smiling puts me off and suddenly I feel uncertain. I know I've never met her before yet she seems so sure about it. My sentence simply trails off into incoherent mumbling as I squint my eyes and frown slightly as if wondering if I could recognise her better that way. No, I don't know why I do that either.

"Oh it's not easy is it? How was the operation in the end?"

Now I'm thinking, "What operation?!" and my mind is screaming at me to put this lady right and tell her I have no idea who she is. My mind tells me that very very clearly indeed. And my mouth opens and I say:

"It went great thanks, all sorted now..."

The mental version of me slaps it's own forehead. What the hell kind of hole am I digging for myself?

"Really? Brilliant news. It's amazing really. They sounded so sure that you... Well you know!"

"Ha ha... Yes..."

My mind is reeling here trying to remember what I've said so I don't trip myself up some more. The worst thing is I feel like I'm the weirdo! And I'm also thinking that person she wants me to be is probably a guy who dies needing an operation however many years ago. Now I also feel guilty.

"Still, even if you can't... You know... Glad to see you're doing well. How on earth did we lose contact?"

"Well, you know I've moved and, well, you're..."

"Still there, yes! I hadn't realised you'd moved but then I guess you must of otherwise we'd still see each other. How odd! Where are you living now?"

Ugh, why does she insist on continuing the conversation. Must seek a way to end this now!

"West... Um... West..."

"The West cliff? Wow, how did you afford that?"

"I... um... I got a job in... um..."

"Because you had a degree didn't you? You went to, er...? Where was it?"

I don't and have never had a degree. Despite that, I come up with the first one that comes to mind...

"Er... Loughborough...?"

I made it sound like a question. Pants.

"Was it? I thought it was Edinburgh? Edinburgh? Loughborough? Well they sound similar, maybe I remember that wrong, ha ha ha! Still, could've sworn..."

"- Definitely Loughborough..."

Oh great, and now I'm definite about it. I have no idea what the hell I'm saying now. It's all gone to pot.

"Well we must catch up sometime. What's your number?"

"I, um, don't have..."

"Mobile, then?"

"No, I..."

"Email? Facebook? You must be online...?"

"I really don't..."

And then my mobile rings. Ah shit, the mobile I just said I don't have...

"That's my... Better get this..."

Saved! Saved by the phone call! On the phone I just said I don't have but still, it's a save nonetheless! Saved by telesales-people. I knew they had a use somewhere! And finally, here's my stop...

"Sorry got to go, catch you soon...um..."

Catch you soon? What in the...?! Why the hell am I saying that?

"Hope to see you soon, Max. Good to of bumped into you again."

A weak smile as I get off the bus. A short walk home later and I can still hardly believe I just had this conversation with a complete stranger. Painful, just painful. And now I must avoid all buses to Boscombe, though knowing my luck I'd see her waving at me from on board as I walk to work...