Fade

Well it's been six weeks since my last post. Funny really, I can barely recall writing the last post and yet six weeks is not so long ago. A lot has happened in that short amount of time. A sort-of relationship has come and gone, I've got a new computer and Sky+ installed and I'm progressively providing the backup I need to keep me entertained when all of my mates have finished moving away.

One of my best buddies is moving to Australia for six months, staying with a girl he met whilst on holiday in Asia. It's a brave step. I'm not sure I could do it but I sincerely hope he gets a lot out of it. I wouldn't be overly surprised if he didn't come back. I've known several people who have moved abroad, initially for 3 or 6 months at a time and then they just don't come back because they prefer life out there. Who can blame them? It's exciting to have all that new culture, different weather and different customs around you.

I doubt I'll be in a position to ever really experience that. I've tied myself down now, rightly or wrongly. I own a flat and in the current climate and indeed in any climate, it's not something you can easily deal with. Upping sticks and simply moving to pastures new is not an option, unfortunately. Any move would be on the scale of months or years. In a way, I envy those who can move in a matter of weeks to somewhere new. A lot of my friends are finally displacing around the country or abroad and in many ways, I'm quite sad about it. Despite the advent of the internet and mobile phones, it's just not the same as being able to share a few beers on a whim whenever you fancy it. It'll be a sad day when those mates of mine who are planning to move finally do so. I won't be alone or "Billy-no-mates", far from it, but it will be odd and slightly disconcerting to suddenly be without those friends that you've grown up with or become firm friends with for the last decade or so.

But I try and tell myself that they're pursuing their opportunities, as I'm pursuing mine. I have been very disappointed with the number of opportunities available to me at work but I'm no quitter and I won't back down from trying to achieve those goals that I feel suit what I want to do with my career. It'll be a tough road, without doubt. I have nothing to distinguish me from the next guy at work other than the quality of the work I do. The policies put in place aim to make the workplace a fairer place to achieve your goals but the reality feels quite the opposite for me and many others sometimes. It's hard not to feel bitter when you are turned down for courses and potential postings because the positions are already oversubscribed. I guess it's hard not to feel bitter about it but if anything, I try to use that to spur me on to keep on showing interest in the relevant areas, get your name recognised and hope that one day, however long it takes, you'll finally be in the right place at the right time.

Here's hoping on that front.

Concentrating on those goals and trying to maintain and reinforce those newer friendships of mine are what's going to help me deal with the old friends melting away into the ether as time goes on. I may be jealous of those who are being able to pursue what I would call a life of adventure and risk, but I guess there is something to be said for being able to say you own your own home, have perhaps the only "job for life" left in the country and be in a reasonably risk-free position. It may be considered dull by some, but without that, I have no idea where I'd be or what I'd be doing. I can only assume that I would not be in as good a position as I am now.

We can't have it all I guess. Hence I'm still single, right?!