An End To All Things

Well, some of you may now be aware that I have returned to singledom status. I think one of the hardest things about breaking up with someone when you're not expecting it or not wanting it to happen is that you're left with hundreds of unanswered questions. The why's, the how come's. Breaking up is never easy but if you feel you don't understand why it has happened the way it has, you are probably deluding yourself somewhat. All of us, each and every one, are aware of the aspects of a relationship that they don't like or that they'd like to improve. More often than not, break-ups occur with those problems and issues being at the very least a contributing factor.

Sometimes, like me, you might think you've gone the extra mile to try and address those problems or to try and work around them. When you feel that way, the break-up is that much harder as you can't comprehend what else you could have done. The fact is, there probably isn't anything else you could of done. I've never been one to simply give up on a relationship that I believe in, but when someone has made up their mind, trying to talk them into changing it is, frankly, often counter-productive. Someone who feels it simply isn't working for reasons other than those you already know about, is highy unlikely to change their mind and suddenly think they can work through those issues.

I don't really know or understand why things didn't work out for me other than we are two very different people and I have often struggled to feel wanted or needed. I had begun to feel a bit happier about things in the last couple of weeks but the warning signs were all there for me, I simply chose not to assume the worst. I'm a bit of a realist/pessimist but I put things down to paranoia on my part and a difficult life event on hers. Unfortunately, I should have listened to that little voice in my head telling me something was up.

People have asked me if I dislike her, hate her or resent her for wanting to break up with me but, no, I actually don't. Not at all. I respect her feelings and I care about her enough to know that if I'm not right for her at this time in her life, then I sincerely hope she goes on to find happiness elsewhere as I appear unable to provide that for her. I wouldn't reject speaking to her in future, I wouldn't turn my back on her or suddenly go out of my way to avoid her because although we had only been a couple for 3 months and yes, we had our issues, I think we had more good times than bad and not a single row or argument. We discussed our problems several times and I hold a certain pride that we have managed to be more than civil with each other for the entire duration because if we had fought like cat and dog since the get-go, then there would not be the sense of loss that I do now have. Whilst that loss causes my stomach to do flips each time I think of her and the time we spent together, I wouldn't change that for the world. I'd sooner feel that loss, than a sense of relief.

I know I tried my best. That's all I can do and all I can expect of myself. Sometimes, you simply have to accept that.